mrsandmr

2012-01-08T09:50:00.000+05:30

The Indispensable....

2011-04-17T14:24:00.006+05:30

I really dread the auto drivers in BANGALORE.I have had a few uninviting experiences from these auto drivers and always wonder where on hell, do these people get that sucking attitude.Imagine, making an almost-full-term pregnant woman, walk quite some distance, just because the auto driver had to wait at the signal for some time and would not benefit much out of it!!!!I have always found that one as one of the ruthless incidents that has happened in my life!!And then my spouse says he is gonna complain for this reckless attitude of his - pops the reply...Do what u can!!This auto belongs to a police man!!How shocking!!!And I have this s**t load of auto drivers, hanging around my apartment complex, literally mocking and teasing ppl going around.And they demand, Rs.50 for traveling less than 1.5 kms!!Gross!!And they would not want to take us where we want to except if you wanna travel to their girls friends' place, in which case you stand a great chance!!!I don mean to say that any of the cities are exceptions to this sucking attitude, but surely not to the extent of Bengalaru!!

This particular article on Yahoo!! reflects exactly about these auto drivers!!I love the irony used in this!!.Read this article by Anand Ramachandran....

I recently had the opportunity to experience Bengaluru for the first time through the eyes of a resident. It is a city of many delights - the easiest on the eye among all Indian metros, the advantages of a modern lifestyle (though only until 11 pm, more on that later) without losing out on a certain old-India charm, and a climate that gently, smilingly urges you to forgive the city's idiosyncrasies, generally with a very respectable success percentage.

My new job having given me the opportunity to escape the bullying, brutal Mumbai summer, and the relatively easy pace of Bengaluru cushioning the impact of being separated from the great things I love about about Mumbai(my family, functioning public transport, nightlife and, most importantly, home delivery.), I was able to approach life in my new home with a cool, breezy confidence not unlike that shown by Duke Nukem on learning that aliens had invaded Earth, and were planning to steal away our babes. (I read that as 'babies' when editing my draft, even though I myself had written it - a clear sign of priorities shifting with age)

Right up until the moment I had to encounter the famous auto-rickshaw drivers of Bengaluru.

When you move from Mumbai to Bengaluru, along with warm welcomes and tearful goodbyes, you will also be flooded with well-meaning advice about auto drivers - friends will warn you about how they are a lazy, greedy lot (being either lazy or greedy is fine by me, but being both poses a rather sticky logical problem. Which can be solved only by a third ingredient - stupidity) who are intent on fleecing innocent commuters. However, this is plainly wrong, and an injustice, as I soon discovered.

For the first few days, my observations led me to the conclusion that auto-rickshaws in Bengaluru existed for purely decorative reasons, serving no actual function. Like teenagers in malls, they merely hang about, occasionally moving around purposelessly in what appear to be random directions and refuse to interact in any way with bystanders, even if said bystanders happen to be frantically waving their arms about, clearly desperate to get to a hospital or airport. It's almost as if the city authorities got together and decided that, in addition to the many gardens, fountains and statues, Bengaluru needed a sprinkling of auto-rickshaws around the city as part of its beautification plan. Sort of like plonking down those useless but ornamental objects into your empty lots in all those Sim-City type videogames, in order to get bonus points.

However, after a few more weeks of careful study, I chanced upon the truth about the auto drivers of Bengaluru. You see, unlike their counterparts in Mumbai who are essentially businessmen or those in Chennai who are essentially gangsters, the Bengaluru auto driver is a man of higher moral fibre. He is a hobbyist, who is driving the rickshaw not as a profession or duty, but merely in pursuit of pleasure and perfection - much like a violinist, painter or mountaineer. If his hobby earns him some money along the way, then that's fine, but it is not all important.

This is why they merely cruise around the streets of the city, picking up fares merely if and when their whims urge them to, with a carefree disregard for profit or efficiency, which are the burdens of a man who is trying to earn a living. These men are on a different mission, they have a higher purpose - rickshaw driving for rickshaw driving's own sake. Not for them the crassness of commerce. This is why people who compare Bengaluru auto drivers unfavourably with those of Mumbai, merely because they charge higher fare and refuse to ply, are making a mistake. Expecting a Bengaluru auto driver to take you where you want to go at metre fare is like expecting Dr.M.Balamuralikrishna to come and sing at your daughter's birthday party, at the same rates charged by an amateur light music troupe. It is unfair and insulting, not to mention delusional.

I have decided to leave these men to their relentless pursuit of high art and take buses instead. It's the respectful thing to do.

Another curious thing about Bangalorea . . . er . . . Bengalureans (city authorities should really consider the impact of their hasty name changes on derivative words such as this) is their liberal interpretation of the term 'dead end'.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary a dead end is defined as 'an end (as of a street) without an exit'. But not according to Bengalureans. They will cheerfully ask you to do such seemingly impossible things as "take a left turn at the dead end". By which they really mean "take a left turn atthe T-intersection, which is what I really mean when I cluelessly say 'dead end'. Pliss don't mind it."

I often wonder what it would be like if there was a suspenseful, thrilling chase sequence in, say, a vampire novel, set in Bengaluru. It might be something along the lines of this :

As he pursued his frightened quarry into the bylanes, Gangrel knew that he would feed soon on fresh blood. The unfortunate wretch had, in sheer panic, lurched into a dead end. Gangrel had him cornered now - it would not be long before he would taste the sweet, coppery taste of a kill.

"Give up, fool. This is a dead end, there is no way out. I have you know.", said Gangrel.

The human smiled. "Nope. You forget - this is Bengaluru." he shot back, before suddenly taking a left turn and vanishing.

"Shit.", said Gangrel.

You have to feel for Gangrel - but then, vampires would have to be pretty stupid to hunt in Bengaluru. Nobody steps out here after dark anyway.

Happily un divorced

2011-02-03T00:19:00.002+05:30

Came across this article on Y!Its a must read for this Gen people!!!Here is a mid way solution between adjusting completely to your husband and taking the extreme step of divorce, which is still a taboo in the Indian society.This gets' carried on when there are kids involved.Obvious that its' not a healthy set up for the kids to live in but at least better than all the things that the kid has to go thro' in a formal divorce.Read on...

When Akansha Kumar found that her 13- year old marriage was on the rocks and the emotional chasm between her and her hubby Abhay Kumar just couldn’t be bridged, there was nothing to do but part ways.

They decided they would separate rather than file for divorce.

That’s the way it’s been these five years — they continue to accompany each other at social events and attend their 10- year- old son’s PTMs ( parents- teachers meetings) together.

Welcome to the world of the undivorced, where couples opt to live a life of compromise rather than go through the socio-economic and emotional hassle of a legal separation.

When Tulika Gupta uncovered the dark secrets of her philandering husband, she decided to teach him a lesson. But after consulting lawyers and close friends, she opted to walk out of the marriage and live separately. “ We have taken a joint home loan and have each other’s names as nominees in our investment, we have each other’s name as spouses in our passports.

Moreover, our kids are 15 and 18, what’s the point in putting the whole family through the hassle of a divorce,” says Gupta, who runs a consultancy firm in Gurgaon.

TAKING IT EASY

Though there isn’t any statistics, divorce lawyers and marriage experts believe that separation without divorce is proving to be a popular alternative. “ Staying estranged seems to be a popular trend among couples. They enjoy the status quo especially if there are children involved. Going to court involves a lot of trouble. Men are afraid they will have to pay huge maintenance,” says Osama Suhail, divorce lawyer.

The hope of giving a failed marriage another chance to survive also plays a crucial role in couples opting for a separation instead of a divorce. Kamal Kaur and Ajit Sidhu opted to part ways to give their eight- year- old marriage a ‘ breather’. Now after five years of parting ways, they have grown closer as friends rather than couples. They make it a point to meet each other on weekends for lunch and attend social gatherings as husband and wife. However, both are happy with the arrangement. “ I know that he has girlfriends and he knows about my relationships.

We have decided not to remarry; I don’t want my kid to blame me for the divorce when she grows up,” says Kaur, an event manager.

If convenience plays a crucial role, the social taboo related to divorce also forces couples to stay estranged. “ Divorce is still big step for couples. And the hope of coming together and working out the relationship, keep some couples’ hopes alive.

Legal hassles are also a big trouble.

Couples who have been estranged for over 10 years usually move on with their lives,” says Dr Isha Singh, clinical psychiatrist, Max Healthcare.

In a society where being a single woman still raises eyebrows, divorcees face social ridicule.

“ Women want to avoid the stigma. For children, it’s good to have the father around, especially at the time of their marriage.

More than men, its women who don’t want to go to court for a divorce,” says Priya Hingorani, senior lawyer, Supreme Court.

With a quick hearing not possible in divorce cases, couples often have to do the rounds of the courts several times before the final settlement is drawn. At times, cases drag on for four to five years, draining people emotionally and financially. “ For women, the delay in proceedings acts as a deterrent. In the case of middle- aged people, they go for divorce only if they remarry,” says Suhail.

TOO OLD TO QUIT

At times, age too plays a deterrent, preventing couples from going for a divorce. Aged 38 and 42, Smitha and Arun Shekhar, knew they weren’t estranged because they needed to remarry.

It was the need of more individual space that forced them to seperate. “ We know that we will be there for each other in the case of an emergency. Moreover, we don’t have any plans get marry again. Our finances are in both our names and we still operate a joint account. I don’t see the need to go through a pile of paperwork to change our marital status in our passports, address details and nominations in our investments,” says Smitha.

Psychologist and lifestyle expert Dr Rachana Singh feels that for some couples, it’s the emotional comfort zone which bars them from going through the ugly divorce battles.

Terming separation as a decision of comfort, divorce lawyer Meenakshi Lekhi, says such the arrangement works only if both benefit from it. “ In such cases, children will remain common and there is no bitterness. The main reason is social embarrassment.

If the wife goes to court, the husband may end up losing a major chunk of their property. The price tag for a divorce is too high in terms of monetary loss for men and social stigma for women. I wouldn’t say that staying separate is the trend, but it’s certainly more talked about now than before,” says Lekhi.

However, Dr Singh has a word of caution. “ If couples are separated, it’s often better to get it over legally — it’s not healthy to stay separate just for convenience.” says Singh. But then, neither is it very easy to make a clean break of certain relationships.

So who do YOU think changes most?

2010-12-16T08:55:00.004+05:30

Another interesting post from Yahoo!!A must read for men and women.....

I LOVE you just the way you are.’ Yawn! Haven’t we had an overdose of this particular line? No matter how many times your partner coos this into your ear, there would be something that he/she would want you to change about yourself desperately. Not just that — post-marriage, you might undergo certain involuntary changes which could be shocking for your partner.
A marriage certainly triggers some changes in both men and women. “We give up our independence and our decisions are made in collaboration with our partner (and inlaws in some cases),” says Dr Kamal Khurana, relationship expert at Purple Alley.
“Ideally we should not expect a person to change. But when we start cohabiting, our expectations from our partner increase. And when he/she is unable to fulfil them, we feel our partner has changed. We then want him to change back to what he was before marriage... or for that matter, what she was,” he says.
Changes can be both positive and negative. While a Michigan State University study says marriage makes rowdy men better-behaved, counsellors have dealt with cases where men have become more violent towards their partner.
As far as women are concerned they undergo a lot of hormonal and emotional changes that ultimately shape their personality. “Women expect men to fulfil their emotional needs, but men are not wired to understand it,” says Dr Gitanjali Sharma, marriage counsellor. But psychologist Anu Goel has come across cases where men have completely mended their ways for their ladylove. “It is all about striking the right balance and I have seen quite a few cases where men have made the ‘adjustments’ that women were expected to make about 10 years ago,” says Goel.
Times are changing; people are changing – after all change is the only constant. We tried to find out about these changes men and women undergo after marriage.
Expert blogger speaks: How open are our marriages?

EATING HABITS
What’s your favourite dish? We asked 36-year-old Archana Gupta, a housewife and pat came the reply: “I don’t remember. I remember we used to have simple vegetarian food, but here they eat everything,” says the strict vegetarian.
Yes, her husband and she have had arguments about why she doesn’t try non-vegetarian food. “I did not want to compromise on this front even though, I think, I have transformed myself completely after my marriage,” she says. Most men agree that with regard to food, it’s the women who change their ways quite a bit. “And if she doesn’t cook that kind of food, she generally learns how to make it and compromises on her own taste,” says Pradeep Sarkar, 29, an insights director at a multinational company.
EXPERT SPEAK: “In India, when a woman comes into a new family after her marriage, she is expected to satisfy her husband and in-laws. And food is the best way to do so, even if it means compromising on her own taste,” says Gitanjali Sharma.

CAREER
As far as career is concerned, it is still the woman who has to compromise. When Gupta got married, she wasn’t told that her inlaws didn’t want a working girl as their bahu. “I used to run a coaching institute before marriage and was earning quite well. But mine was an arranged marriage and I was banned from working anywhere after marriage,” she says. “I was one of the most outgoing girls in my college and my friends would look up to me, but all that has changed now,” she says.
Sarkar agrees with Gupta. “How many men do we know who have got themselves transferred to a different city because the wife is transferred? I do not know any. In most cases the man is independent of the woman and can take a career decision without even consulting his wife,” he says.
EXPERT SPEAK: “Career-wise a woman is expected to compromise, because she is the one who bears the child. The traditional gender roles come into play here. But with crèche facilities and flexi-hours in most organisations, things are getting better,” says Khurana. And yes, now men are consulting their wives on their career moves too.
LOOKING GOOD
It is said when a woman finds her soul-mate, she just gives up on her efforts to look good.
There are quite a few adjustments that women have to make voluntarily because of the family she is moving into. No figure-hugging clothes perhaps, no short skirts or noodle straps. Even if the husband does not mind it, your inlaws might, so you gradually give up buying clothes you once loved.
EXPERT SPEAK: Anjanie Ramnarayan, a gender-studies scholar at the University of Toronto says: “Women tend to ‘let go’ after marriage.
They start eating more, stop wearing make-up, and don’t dress up because they do not have the pressure to look good or attract a male anymore.” However you would expect women to use more make-up during the first year of the marriage. “After the first year, things get mundane and that’s when the woman lets go.
Making efforts to look good completely goes off a woman’s ‘thingsto- do list’, especially after she has a baby,” says Sharma and adds there are no visible differences, however, in the physical traits of a man.
Expert blogger speaks: Let's talk about sex, baby!

EQ
A woman who has let go of her dreams becomes emotionally stronger, says Gupta. “I can say this from my own experience.
I was brought up in a liberal atmosphere, but my husband’s family was a complete opposite. Dealing with my inlaws and the politics in a joint family hardened me,” says Gupta.
However, it seems, men do start behaving themselves after marriage and Varun Dixit, 27, an IT professional, swears by it. The three notorious brothers in his neighbourhood were tamed soon after they entered wedlock. “They were pretty aggressive and would get into fights and arguments. Now that they are married, they have taken a complete U-turn,” he says.
EXPERT SPEAK: “When a man becomes sexually monogamous and is truly in love with a woman, he becomes more logical and rational,” says gender studies scholar Ramnarayan. However, Khurana presents a different perspective: “Men are not programmed to be emotionally expressive. A man may seem to be very considerate from outside, but in reality he may have just given up on arguing with his wife,” he says.
BUDDY TIME
The interaction level with annoying relatives – which was at sub-zero levels before marriage – suddenly shoots up after people tie the knot and your beloved friends often take a backseat. Devlina Dutta could not meet her gang of girls for 17 years after her marriage and when she met them, she realised they were the next best thing after her husband. “We could still talk about everything under the sun, without any inhibitions,” says Dutta.
If women talk, men bond over booze and sports. But they too have to keep a check on their unrestrained freedom with the new restrictions stemming from the intertwining of two lives.
“They have to limit their buddy time and answer certain questions that were considered pretty irksome before marriage,” says Kshitij Chawla, a biotech researcher.
EXPERT SPEAK: They are not wrong when they say marriage is all about two families and not just two people. “Priorities change and suddenly families and relatives become more important. You have to inform your partner if you want to meet your old pals. Your decisions become dependent on your partner. And this holds true for both men and women.
BED BUGS
Snoring and weird sleeping postures are a major turn-off for most women. But they have adapted to them over the years. Anshu Khurana, 35, a teacher, who comes from a family of silent-sleepers, got the shock of her life when she entered the Khurana household.
Now after being married for 15 years, it is hard for Khurana to imagine a soundless sleep. If women hate snores, men love their space in bed. Remember the Friends episode in which Ross gives tips to Chandler on how to stop his girlfriend from cuddling? “Cuddling seems to be a romantic idea, but I need my own space,” says IT professional Sandeep Kumar, 28.
EXPERT SPEAK: “Snoring and sleeping habits have always been a bone of contention, but people do get over it within a year of the marriage. However, people who are in the habit of nitpicking always complain about these little annoying things,” says Goel.

Married or not, a woman must be herself!!

2010-05-16T11:45:00.001+05:30

Article on Times of India..every woman should read this and hopefully men can appreciate us better..

"Cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl" crooned Madonna in the Eighties. Fast forward to the 21st century, and we all know there is more to a marriage than love. Today's woman has become assertive about more than her rights. She also makes known her likes and dislikes with the result that society labels her as materialistic.

Rewind just a bit: the Indian mother traditionally saved the best food for her husband and children. She might have eaten cold food, sometimes the leftovers. By the time her children grew up and were able to understand their mother's likes and dislikes, she might have lost any sense of entitlement to her choices. She becomes less of an individual every time she proclaims "I live for my family". It is the same family that does not bother about what mother is eating. Is any of this necessary? Why should a woman give up her favourite things when she marries?

Even in this day and age, Indian women are expected to change their views and habits to suit the wishes of husband and in-laws. A woman who demands something or expresses a preference is considered difficult, perhaps even a 'family-breaker'.

Mridul Chatterjee, a literature teacher in Pune puts it very simply: "Marriage is like a lifetime thrown into the fire with few mantras and a boxful of dreams, career, friends, family, lifestyle all neatly packed and pushed under the bed. After she gets married, it is generally expected that a woman will never again have an opinion. I agreed to a marriage because I think it's a union of two people, not a deletion of my being."

It is ironic that women are frontrunners in almost every sphere now, but in their own homes, many are treated like second-class individuals. But the world is changing. Lawyer Sangita Pal, who will tie the knot this year, says, "A changed society needs strong women who can steadily hold the family and her profession, but in the process, doesn't lose her own identity."

Can ur ex be ur best friend!!

2010-05-01T00:31:00.002+05:30

I happened to come across this article when i was browsing thro' yahoo news.Interesting one!!

It's not complicated. With many couples, divorce means reviving the kind of friendship they shared before marriage

Marriages may still be made in heaven but divorces are no longer the Devil's handiwork. Amid worrying statistics of rising divorce rates, there is something to be cheerful about. Experts say divorced couples are making an effort to leave the baggage behind and remain best buddies.

Writer A. Srinivas's ex - wife is his best friend. They may not be living under the same roof, but he never misses the customary phone call to update her of the day's events. She knows about his girlfriends and he is aware of what's happening in her life. They meet for parties, dinners and social dos. Srinivas' family also shares a good rapport with her though they parted ways six years back.

Our decision to part ways in 2004 was mutual. There was silence between us for nearly three years after that but she was in touch with my family. And when my father was unwell, she called me and our friendship revived. There was no external pressure to remain friends. It was a choice we made, says Srinivas.

Sceptics may dismiss Srinivas's as a one - off case and insist that it's impossible to make peace with a divorced partner. But psychologists and marriage counsellors say that for many these days, divorce isn't the end of the road in a relationship.

The scenario is changing. We see many couples making an effort to remain friends after splitting. It takes a lot of maturity to make peace with your ex- spouse. Often it is because they were good friends before marriage.

Once the burden of being husband and wife is gone, some rediscover why they liked each other in the first place, says relationship counsellor and psychologist Dr Anjali Chhabria.

WHY THEY ARE STILL FRIENDS

If every divorce were a War of the Roseses, there would be blood on the streets! says author Barbara Quick, in her book Still Friends: Living Happily Ever After...Even If Your Marriage Falls Apart. In the case of Sadhna Grover and Sanjit Grover, they won't let any blood spill on the streets. Their schedule with their 13-year-old daughter goes somewhat like this: Family dinners with inlaws every Sunday, a movie once a month and an annual holiday trip to an exotic locale.

If you think they make a perfect family picture, hang on. It's been 10 years since the Grovers divorced, the decision was mutual as both felt suffocated in their marriage. Dealing with his follies in day-to-day life was tough. Differences only grew as years passed by and divorce was inevitable. It took me some years to be friends with him, but it was possible since we share similar interests and tastes. He wasn't good marriage material but our friendship remains the same. I would be by his side when he is in trouble and viceversa. The irritating things about him don't bother me now, says Sadhna.

While the Grovers took years to put behind the bitterness in their relationship, Chhabria says some couples bury the past in no time. Her clients Sameer and Sunita Mahajan (name changed) took off on a holiday together soon after their divorce. Not only did they continue to be friends, Sameer even got work for Sunita, a freelance writer. I was counselling the couple during their divorce. They had major differences of opinion which couldn't be resolved, but they were good friends before marriage and decided to remain so, says Chhabria.

But why do couples who are great friends, divorce at all? There are many things I still like about him. He is kind and intelligent. And when we go to a party or a film, for instance, we know when the other is bored and want to leave almost at the same time! But it's tough to turn your back on the past and pretend it never existed, so we had to split. As soon as I stopped being his wife, he started behaving better with me, says Sadhna.

Srinivas has a different take on why good friends split: You become friends and get married. You continue to grow within marriage. If both grow in different directions, it becomes difficult to continue in the relationship but the friendship remains, says Srinivas.

However, Chhabria thinks it is the daily grind that finishes off a marriage once that is out of the way, they are once again civil to one another. In a marriage, partners expect a lot from each other. With friends, expectations are lower, adds Grover.

NEW LOVE

Do things get complicated when your ex gets a boyfriend/ girlfriend? Sadhna believes they could maintain a healthy relationship only when there were no partners involved. Whenever I was in a relationship, I hardly met my exhusband or talked to him. It's difficult to manage the ex and your current boyfriend. Moreover, I never discuss my boyfriends with him. Though we are good dinner companions, there is no emotional connect between us, says Sanjit.

But Srinivas disagrees. My exwife knows about all the girls in my life and vice - versa. In our case, there is no jealousy or ill - feelings.

Jealousy arises when it's an immature decision to part. Both of us were clear that it was over. It also depends on the emotional quotient involved. The emotional connect is very much there though there is no physical intimacy, says Srinivas.

Marriage counsellor Anu Goel adds she has seen many couples sharing good vibes with their ex's partners. Shashank Bhushan and Nivedita's ( name changed) threeyear marriage was dotted with arguments, fights and stand - offs.

But with divorce, their relationship changed for the better. I used to counsel them. Ever since they got divorced, they have remained good friends. Nivedita calls him whenever she is in trouble, say if her car breaks down. Their friendship is still strong though Shashank has remarried.

Nivedita gets along well with her ex's current wife too. There are no bitter feelings and they often meet at dinners and parties, says Goel.

REEL LIFE

Both Bollywood and Hollywood have examples to draw from. It's no secret that Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant, Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe have a big ex- factor presence in their lives.

In Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan, who is currently holidaying in Europe with his wife Kiran Rao and children from his first marriage, still shares a bond with his first wife Reena Dutta. Reena keeps a friendly relationship with Rao too and is spotted at his film premieres.

Actor Pooja Bedi raised few eyebrows when she attended her exhusband Farhan Furniturewalah's marriage last week with her kids in tow. Bedi says she is very happy for her ex. I was the first person who knew about the wedding.

Farhan is the father of my children and has been my best friend for years. If I am in a relationship, he would be the first person to know, says Bedi.

She admits burying the hatchet wasn't easy. Divorce is awful, painful, full of recrimination, it's vengeful. No one gets married to get a divorce. I am a highly romantic person and I always dreamt of a happy married life. Since it didn't turn out well, we made a dignified, graceful effort to exit, says Bedi.

THE CHILD FACTOR

Children are a major reason why couples decide to maintain a healthy relationship. Couples try to develop a healthy bonding if children are involved. They don't want the kids to suffer, says Goel.

Sadhana agrees: My daughter was the main reason why I am friendly with my ex. She never had to witness any ugly fights. I didn't want to turn my child into the mediator between us. Now she gets an equal share of both of us. Bedi also agrees that reinventing friendship after divorce is important for the children's sake. I had a sound upbringing though my parents were divorced. We grew up unscarred. My children are also growing up the same way. There is no bitterness and it's a win- win situation for both of us. My children spend quality time with both of us, says Bedi.

Bedi also warns that couples should never use children as a weapon to hurt their spouse. Goel says the golden rule is that never express negative sentiments about your ex in front of children.

Speak positively and give up the blame game, says Goel. If a marriage is based on strong friendship, it's natural for couples to seek each other's hand in testing times. So what's stopping you from taking that small step to make things better between you and your ex?

Husband disowns wife for travelling with male officials

2010-03-17T22:29:00.002+05:30

We are debating about the Womens Reservation bill and here is a typical situation in a typical Indian house hold,courtesy Yahoo News!!!

Bhubaneswar, March 13 (IANS) At a time the country is set to empower its women by giving them 33 percent reservation in legislatures, a woman farmer in Orissa has been dumped by her husband for going to New Delhi with male officials to receive a national award.

Mathura Sabar, 40, a tribal woman from Kusumjor village in Kalahandi district, was refused entry into her house by her husband for accompanying state officials to New Delhi to receive an award for successful mushroom farming from union Agriculture Minister Sharad Pawar on Feb 26.

The mother of five was among 101 farmers selected from across the country to receive this award. She was accompanied by the joint director of state government and four other officials.

However, the joy of receiving an award was short-lived as her husband Ratan did not let her enter the house when she returned.

'When I came back from Delhi my husband refused to allow me inside the house. I am clueless as to where I should go,' Mathura, sarpanch of Rishagaon panchayat from 1997-2002, who currently runs a women's self help group in the area, told IANS.

'My husband is questioning my character. But I had taken his permission before I went to Delhi,' she said.

The district agriculture officials, who had recommended her name to the agriculture ministry for the award, are unable to help her.

'We had recommended her name to the agriculture ministry as a successful mushroom farmer. We made every effort so that she can go to New Delhi and receive that award. I got to know that her husband is not allowing her inside the house. What can we do if her husband does not accept her? Our job ended after she returned home without any trouble,' P. Sethi, assistant director of agriculture, told IANS.

Even repeated requests failed to convince Mathura's husband, who works as a labourer.

'I pleaded with him. Villagers also tried to convince him. But he has refused to listen,' Mathura, who now lives with her parents, said.

She does not feel helpless but is shocked at her husband's irrational allegations.

'I don't need my husband's money as I am independent. But I don't understand the reason why he disowned me. It's so silly,' she said.

Solar Eclipse!!

2010-01-15T23:58:00.004+05:30

It's always fascinating to know and learn about the SPACE!!Today was the annular Solar Eclipse.There are several links , which deals with this topic and so do not want to reiterate, what's been published already about the topic.Today, i got an opportunity to see the Solar Eclipse, not with the Naked Eye, though.One of our colleague, got a Welders shield and we watched the eclipse, and boy, it was lovely to see it.We got to see it at the beginning-when the sun was slightly hidden, once mid way when it was passing through and other when it was just about to get over, to leave the sun fully visible.See the picture to have a glimpse of it, as seen through the welders' shield!!

My Favorite perfumes

2009-03-04T19:16:00.025+05:30

How would you prepare yourself for your first date?you would like to look good, feel good and SMELL good.SMELL good!!ahm...so the first thing that comes to your thought,when it comes to smell is PERFUME.

What is a PERFUME?
It is a mixture of fragrant essential oils and aroma compounds, fixatives, and solvents used to give the human body, animals, objects, and living spaces a pleasant smell.There are different classifications of perfumes based on the concentration of the aromatic compounds in the solvent(% of perfume oil).

**Perfume extract (Extrait): 15-40% of aromatic compounds
**Eau de Parfum (EdP), Parfum de Toilette (PdT): 10-20% of aromatic compounds
**Eau de Toilette (EdT): 5-15% (typical ~10%) of aromatic compounds
**Eau de Cologne (EdC): Chypre citrus type perfumes with 3-8% of aromatic compounds
**Splash and After shave: 1-3% aromatic compounds

Let me list some perfumes which i have used.

1)COCO Chanel Mademoiselle

The first perfume gifted to me by my hubby after our engagement..needless to say that it's my favorite,not just cause of the occasion,more so cause of the smell of this perfume.That was the time that this perfume was launched.It's got a very strong fragrance , that once u use this, u need not use this on the same dress for another 6 months.It took around 3 years for me to complete that 50 ml bottle!

2)Charlie

Long before I was introduced to the world of perfumes...this was the only perfume that i knew of apart from Brut.Nevertheless, it is a perfume for all reasons and seasons!!

3)Glow by J Lo(EDT)

Yet another good perfume, the first one that Sridhar got me post marriage at Boots!The perfume was selling like crazy at that time and it has a rosy fragrance to it, with a bottle as curvy as J LO!!Sexy bottle!!And this was one of the perfumes, Sridhar got me the second time, on his recent New York trip!!This is Sridhar's favorite perfume!!

4)Elizabeth Arden Sunflowers

It was right before Sridhar's Australia visit, that he got me this perfume!It was a gift set along with a Body Wash and a Body lotion.Boy o Boy...a very strong perfume.I used to keep this body wash in a draw in my wardrobe and despite a long run of 2 years, it gives a great freshness and smell to the whole wardrobe, whenever i open the draw!!I used it sparingly and have left it at my mom's place for using it when i go there!!

5)Hugo Boss Intense-

Attractive and bright bottle.This was supposedly a gift for my mom, when we came back from the first trip to UK!!Both the bottle and the fragrance rightly match the name "INTENSE".I should say i was privileged to use this, when i was at my mom's place!!

6)Tommy girl

Easily available at even the local fancy store.It's a simple perfume for daily use.Obviously with a light fragrance!!

7)Lomani-

It is a very special perfume for the reason that, my brother gifted it to me on my 25th birthday.Its a unisex perfume, which was used more by Sridhar than me.It came on around for a year,in spite of the frequent use!Who wants an Armani perfume?the Lomani perfume by my brother is a special brand and a precious one!!

8)L'Air du temps by Nina Ricci

Sridhar came back with two new perfumes, back from his 3 months trip to Netherlands!!He was going gaga over this perfume, right from the beginning.This is a perfume, which has got a completely different fragrance from the rest of them!It's comes inside simple bottle and an unique fragrance!

9)Laura by Laura Biagiotti

This was also gifted by Sridhar, from Netherlands ,with LOVE.Yet to start using this.Review later!!However, it's got a very attractive bottle, resembling the Sexy Glow by J Lo'!!And the Carton's color, is one of my favorite colors!!

10)5th Avenue by Elizabeth Arden

Looking forward to using this perfume.This is my 6th Anniversary gift, from Sridhar.From the reviews that i read, it's a classy perfume!Let me see or rather smell!!

11)CHAMPS ELYSEES by Guerlain!

Welcome aboard to the family of Vidhya's Perfume collection!!Sridhar's gift from FLORIDA!
Nice Bottle and a fruity-floral smell!!A really Feminine one!!Named after a famous lane in France CHAMPS ELYSEES,which people in France boast as the 'Most Beautiful Avenue in the World'...It's quite an old release,released in 1996...but Old Is Gold!!!I love the floral,fruity smell!!

Supernatural!!

2009-02-11T18:31:00.013+05:30

I have always been enchanted about the supernatural and the experience of people with this.And i have an interest for these ghosts and hauntings(though am scared to bits after reading it).After a pretty long time, i happened to browse thro' those topics.Among them is the Amityville Mystery, which has been adapted to films as well as books.It talks about, the murder of a family of6, the murder being allegedly committed by the eldest son of the family(this reminds us of the Nepal Royal Family massacre, the exception being that the offender,shot himself too in the Nepal tragedy).The Amityville House is also listed in the top 10 haunted houses list,ironically though, people still live in the house.Below is a link that might interest a few people like me.

Amityville Horror

One other thing that i stumbled upon today is NDE (Near Death Experience).What is NDE:

Simply put, it's a state that people claim to have reached ,after momentary death.

Such cases are usually reported after an individual has been pronounced clinically dead or otherwise very close to death, hence the entitlement near-death experience. Many NDE reports, however, originate from events that are not life threatening. With recent developments in cardiac resuscitation techniques, the number of NDEs reported has increased. Most of the scientific community regards such experiences as hallucinatory while paranormal specialists and some mainstream scientists claim them to be evidence of an afterlife.

Here is the link to NDE...

Near Death Experience

Anyways, pray well for me that i should have a good night's sleep ,after reading thro' these.I sometimes wish i don't get back to such topics, but then it really thrills me ;).

Abt House-Husband...

2009-02-11T15:31:00.006+05:30

I came across this article, when i was aimlessly browsing the internet.Here we go....

Mr Mom: It's a SAHD life

Forget all that macho, hairy-chested male stuff. Being in, these days, means, well..., being in. They're called SAHDs, short for Stay-At-Home-Dads, and they represent the latest spin on co-habitation. Soma Guha checks out how the role reversal is working.

Wanted: A Househusband.
Educational Background: Childcare Expert.
Qualification: Domestic Engineer (acquired with the job).
Qualities: Forbearance. Tolerance. Strong nerves. Resistance to pressure. Energy in abundance. Active imagination. Sense of humour (an absolute must). Patience.

Wait. Before you send in your CV, think about this. Are you man enough to tackle the challenges of this Herculean role reversal? Are you ready to cope with the continuing grind of full-time days and part-time nights (weekends included) with no promotion, no vacation and no salary? And are you willing to shoulder the undefined duties of child-caring and general maintenance with special emphasis on cooking, cleaning, and other assorted household tasks?

Those who apply, conform to the first alphabet of a househusbanding primer which spells A for Attitude. The only valid qualification for being a Stay-At-Home Dad (SAHD) is that you want to. Elsewhere, there is a gradual but definite escalation in the number of househusbands.

While homedaddies are touching the 20-lakh mark in USA, their number in UK has trebled in four years. During 1996, 45,000 British fathers chose to stay at home and raise their children rather than work, compared to 18,000 in 1992--and these figures are expected to rise, says the Office of National Statistics in their first official study of househusbands.

Closer home, in cultural terms, the Japanese Jizai (completely free) house fathers run their own website, declaring: "House-fathers is like housewife.We are always cooking, shopping for foods, housekeeping and so on. Of course, not only these things, but we also compose and perform our own music. We always discuss way of life, system of human cognition, ideas of philosophers, our own being and music.''

That may be something of a handful for most men. But even in India's hide-bound society, there are signs of domestic change. More women in the workplace, new employment avenues and job profiles, and attitudinal changes have led to social and economic restructuring. Many wives find themselves in jobs where they are actually earning more than the husbands. With kids to be looked after, and trusted domestic help getting scarcer by the day, it's a classic dilemma. Can male ego be sacrificed for the greater economic good?

Take Partho, who, with wife Ranjita, lives in the heart of Delhi. Both are academics.When they got married, they were doing research in their respective subjects. To make ends meet, Ranjita decided to take up a job and shelve her research work for the time being. "Partho stayed at home and completed his thesis, while I brought home the bacon so to say,'' says Ranjita, adding: "Apart from some raised eyebrows, it has worked out fine.''

The SAHD factor is certainly more visible in academic circles, but when it comes to the wider expanse of Indian households the story is a different one. After the closure of his company following the economic turbulence in South-east Asia, Ashok came back from Bangkok with his wife and two kids a year back and settled at his father's residence in Calcutta. He still stays there, spurning every job offer with the hope of something better coming up. Meanwhile, his 70-plus father, shouldering the entire financial burden of the joint family, resolutely carries on with his consultancy services. Wife Anupa, though fully qualified for the job market, is not allowed to break out of the traditional mould of crumbling Bengali aristocracy and take up a paying career.

The Unedited SAHD Guidebook

� Read. There are plenty of resources available for at-home parents and even a few for home-dads.
� Listen. To your kids, to your partner and to yourself. You can learn a lot by listening. Patience is a skill you will forever hold in highest regard.
� Trust yourself. Instinct and intuition will see you through times of doubt and uncertainty.
� Never stand when you can sit, or sit when you can lie down.
� As an isolation-buster, be proud of what you do. The more you get out and about, the sooner the people you deal with regularly will come to know and accept you.
� Try to get together a househusbands' group through a newspaper ad or word-of-mouth. Exchanging experiences and joining chat sessions on-line can be rewarding as well.
� It's a bright sunny day. Take your kid and get out of the house. You can go for a walk in the park, revv up for a drive or just mingle with people. Not only will this ease feelings of isolation for you, the noise/colour and motion of crowds, small or large, can captivate a small child.
� You won't be able to count the miles you'll log, walking around the house carrying junior. So build up strength in your forearms, lower back and knees.
� One important thing with a kid at home: a sense of humour. Those days when junior is just a stinker and nothing pleases her, a sense of humour helps unclench your teeth and report it all to mom with a light laugh.

Says an obviously troubled Anupa: "I spend my time tending to my 13-month-old baby and two-and-a-half-year-old son, serving my in-laws and pampering my husband's ego. I am not allowed to take up a career, nor is my husband ready to lift a finger around the house. It's all such a waste of potential.'' Her mother-in-law is completely blind to any change in lifestyle. "How can bouma work outside the home? Such a thing is unheard of in our family. Moreover, won't my son feel bad? I am sure he will get a job sometime soon. Till then, this is our fate.''

Naturally, any suggestion of her son becoming the primary caregiver of the kids is met with a disbelieving laugh. "A man looking after his children? That'll be the day,'' says the mother.

That is a telling picture of Indian households. Fixed gender-specific roles, a caged ambience, perpetual kowtowing to male ego. Even in this day and age, at most arranged marriage negotiations, the male and female priorities are different. Every ad insert looks for a fair, beautiful bride, expert in household chores (a convent education and a diploma in computers are the usual status symbols lending the right progressive touch). "My sister-in-law should be well-educated but when my brother comes home from work, she should be able to make him snacks and tea,'' states 21-year-old Prabhas. His eligible brother, rated high in the marriage market, agrees. "What's the need for her to work? Women are most comfortable at home. They are much better homemakers,'' he says, cunningly serving old wine in a new bottle.

But that MCP age is starting to get passe now, as modern India gradually wakens to reality. Some, like Sharmila, need no prompting to find their own space, free of the restrictive world of ego-driven husbands, parents and in-laws. At 26, she left her husband and her in-law's house to move to Mumbai and start work as an ad executive. She sounds immensely confident and at peace. "I have no regrets. This change in lifestyle was absolutely necessary for me to survive in the jungle. There were the risks of an uncertain future and independent existence, but now that I am established in a successful career, I am really thankful about sticking to my gut feelings. All that initial love for my husband was turning to hatred only because of the set-up at my in-laws.'' Ten years later, she finds herself married to Jit, a househusband who is a wonderfully patient father and a great cook to boot. "Things couldn't have worked out any better. Jit is a freelance designer and works from home. The children all adore him and back home after office, I am often treated to some innovative cuisine. Actually, he is quite enamoured of his role at home and it's tough sharing some of the chores during the weekend.''

And, when it comes down to practicality, for most couples, it's the comparative weight of the pay cheque that decides the issue. Joseph Oberle has this to say in his Diary of a Mad Househusband: "When looked at objectively, the decision seemed obvious, although that didn't make it any easier. One of us had a job with good pay, adequate benefits, excellent security and also the esteem of their employer--and one of us didn't. Unfortunately, I was the odd parent out,....cast into the unknown chasm of Mister Momdom.''

Like Sumit Basu, who lives in seemingly domestic bliss in one of the pleasanter suburbs of Calcutta. Says Sumit: "I wouldn't give up this life for anything. Just after we got married, I lost my job due to a lockout. My wife took over the financial reins as she worked at a bank. I spent my time, with growing enthusiasm, improving my culinary skills and keeping the house in ship-shape condition. In between, I would read a bit, write a bit, paint a bit and listen to music. It's my life. And it's great. As for the quality of my work, I challenge any housewife to rival it.'' Wife Asha chips in: "But typically, when my mom-in-law visits us, she won't allow Sumit to lift a finger. That's the time he has his holiday.''

That's reality. That's the rule, even though it's hip to move your butt around the hearth, checking on the kitchen fire, feeding the kids, cooking novelties, doing the grocery and welcoming your exhausted spouse with a steaming coffee mug at the doorstep. And soon you will discover you have got the hang of homemaking pretty well and fine-tuned it to perfection. To the amazement and envy of your salaried wife.

All in all, SAHDs are satisfied with the way things are going. It's a brave new movement of men with a mission. Backed by their power-packed support system--the Net is overrun with dad links like Dad-to-Dad, Daddy's Home, Mr Moms' Place, New Jersey At-Home Dads, Home-Dad Link (UK), House Fathers (Japan) and so on--the househusbands are a professional lot with their own tips and tricks of trade as well as a survival kit (see box).

Not that it's really required. Anita (not her real name) takes stock of her situation in these words: "As much as I may complain about the difficulties of being a working mother, I have it easy compared to a lot of other moms. Is my husband a saint? Not necessarily (although he sometimes thinks he qualifies). He's a stay-at-home dad; taking care of our son and running our household--all day, every day--it's his job.'' A study done in Canada revealed that household chores are worth about $235 billion a year. The study found that Canadians did more work for no pay, most of it around the house, than they did at the office or factory.

But can the real worth of a homemaker's work be measured in mere money? He not only does all the household chores and childcare, he provides a sense of security and continuity for his children and his spouse, a support that is always available. Just as no one will care for your children the way you do, no one will care for your home the way you can. And nothing beats home-cooked meals either. Skilled domestic engineers all, most SAHDs are a far cry from the silver-screen portrayal of the bumbling Mr Mom (1983) by Michael Keaton who, as a reluctant stay-at-home-dad, burns dinner, ruins laundry and blow-dries his kid's rear after playing coupon poker with the neighbourhood moms. Nothing could be further from reality, feel the hard-working real-life homedaddies. And if you dare address them as "Mr Mom'', do it at your own risk. "Mr Mom projects the image of stay-at-home dads as bumbling doofuses,'' fathers bristle. "It's offensive. As a working mother, you wouldn't want to be called Mr Dad. We are not mother substitutes.''

Call them housefathers, domestic engineers, primary caregivers or even househusbands (which raises a few objections), but never greet these dynamic domestic-action heroes with something like "Oh, so you're a Mr Mom''. The kids already have a mother. At-home dads do not replace moms; they merely assume duties traditionally performed by the mother. Why not try "Mr Dad'' instead, and watch the grin spread?

Article about age and fertility(from babycenter)

2009-02-08T09:38:00.006+05:30

Your age and fertility

**Age and fertility
**How long will it take to conceive?
**Why does fertility decline so rapidly?

More of us are leaving it later to start a family than ever before. Figures from National Statistics for England and Wales show that, since the 1980s, the rates for women giving birth at age 30 or over have gone up, while the rates for women giving birth aged under 30 have fallen.

There are many factors which make having babies less important or more difficult for young couples than it used to be, including going on to higher education, developing a career, and financial pressures to stay in the job market. Also, many people don't find a partner they want to have children with until later in life or just don't feel ready to become parents when they're younger.

The availability and range of effective contraception has also played a significant part in the trend. This has an impact not only on couples delaying starting a family until they are older, but also on having smaller families.

Age and fertility

Putting off starting a family until your career is established or your debts cleared can have its problems. Fertility falls more sharply for women as they age than for men.

As you can see from the chart below, women are most fertile between the ages of 20 and 24. As women grow older the likelihood of getting pregnant falls steeply while the likelihood of infertility rises sharply. Men can remain fertile for much longer but male fertility still declines with age, albeit less dramatically.

Chart: Pregnancy rates over the course of one year

Both of the line graphs are for women who do not have any specific fertility problems.

How long will it take to conceive?

According to the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority, "At 35 you're half as fertile as when you were at 25; at 40 you're half as fertile as when you were 35". This means that it can suddenly take much longer to get pregnant when you hit your late thirties or early forties and you may have problems conceiving at all.

Most couples (92 per cent) will conceive within two years if they do not use contraception and have regular sex. Regular sex means making love every two to three days throughout your cycle; this optimises your chances of conceiving.

That leaves 8 per cent of couples in the general population who do not conceive within two years. If you are over 35 and keep on trying for another year you may still get pregnant but in the next few years your chances of conceiving start to fall rapidly; 6 per cent of women aged 35 years and 23 per cent of those aged 38 years will not have conceived after three years of regular unprotected sex.

This is why it is so important to seek help for infertility treatment sooner rather than later if you are over 35 and finding that positive pregnancy test elusive. It is recommended that most couples try for at least a year before seeking help but if you are over 35 and having problems conceiving you should seek help earlier.

Why does fertility decline so rapidly?

As women get older, there are a number of factors that can make it more difficult to conceive. In addition, as we age, our general health can decline. Existing conditions may worsen or new illnesses may develop, which can impact on fertility too.

Fertility factors that change, as we grow older, include:

• Ovarian reserve - this is the number of functioning follicles left on the ovaries. As you get older you have fewer viable eggs left; in cases of early menopause, the eggs run out much sooner than usual.

• Menstrual cycle - as women approach the menopause their menstrual cycles can become irregular and shorter.

• Lining of the womb - the endometrium may become thinner and less hospitable to a fertilised egg.

• Mucus secretions - vaginal secretions can become less fluid and more hostile to sperm.

• Diseases affecting the reproductive system - some conditions can damage the reproductive organs as time passes, or worsen if not treated properly, including endometriosis, PCOS, and chlamydia.

• Chronic illnesses - some illnesses can have a negative impact on fertility.

• Weight problems - Being overweight or obese can make it more difficult to become pregnant.

Thinking about a second kid---some tips from babycenter...

2009-02-08T09:32:00.007+05:30

When i was pondering over having a second kid, i once again looked at Babycenter (babycenter.co.uk), my guide over the past 5 years.I found a few articles , whoch would of help to people like me, who are thinking about having another kid.Here we go!!....

Are you ready for another baby?

**When is the best time to have another?
**How old is your other child (or children)?
**How will another child change your lifestyle?
**What's your financial situation?
**How old are you?
**Do you and your partner agree?
**What does your heart say?

When is the best time to have another?

Researchers have tried to tackle this question, and while they can't say definitively that every woman should wait two to three years between births, many of the studies do settle roughly on that time frame.

Here's a rundown of the experts' views:

• Waiting 18 to 23 months after the birth of your last child before conceiving another seems best for the new baby's health, according to several studies. Having a gap of less than 17 months is associated with a significantly increased risk of having a baby of prematurely and underweight. The risks are highest for babies conceived less than six months after the birth of a previous child. And those conceived more than 59 months (about five years) after their closest sibling also face an increased risk for these outcomes compared to babies conceived 18 to 23 months after the last birth.

• Experts think that a mother's body needs time to recover from the stress of giving birth and replenish all the nutrients she lost as a result of the first pregnancy. Conceiving again 18 to 23 months after giving birth may also capitalise on changes to your body as a result of the previous pregnancy and birth that benefit carrying another baby. For example, it may be that increased blood flow to the uterus from the last pregnancy benefits the next baby, but that there is a limited time window of about two years before blood flow returns to pre-pregnancy levels.

• When your first is under one year or over four years is the ideal time in terms of the children's relationships with their parents, sibling rivalry, and their own self-esteem, according to Jeannie Kidwell, a professor of family studies. She believes children under one don't have a sense of their special status yet, and that those over four have had enough time to enjoy attention from Mummy and Daddy, plus they now have a life of their own. According to her research, the benefits of these small or wide sibling spacings can extend into adolescence.

How old is your other child (or children)?

There is no right or wrong answer here, though the research, above, suggests it might not be wise to get pregnant if you've got a baby under six months. People go both ways on this question. Some think the older your other children, the better. That way they've had plenty of time with you and they can understand and even talk about the effect another child might have. Others think spacing your children close together ensures they'll be playmates for life, and that you won't be spending the rest of your life raising small children.

Here's what some other BabyCentre mums have to say on the subject:

• Sue Wilkes, who works for a publishing company, says: "My two boys are three and half years apart and I think that spacing is great. My older son was out of nappies by the time the younger one was born, so I loved the idea of having a baby again. And they've got their own lives, so I don't get a lot of sibling rivalry. In fact, they really enjoy being with each other."

• Hannah Lumley, a midwife who is pregnant with her third child, says: "My first two are three and half years apart. That gave me plenty of time alone with my first. I think the older the child, the better, because they're that much more independent and can mentally and emotionally handle the baby. In some ways I wish there was a bigger age gap between my second child and the new baby -- they'll only be two years apart. I'm dreading having two in nappies at the same time. And I'm worried about the physical challenge of having two who need so much of my time."

• Shop manager Cathy Duke says: "My three children are all about a year and half apart, and although it was really tough when they were all babies, in many ways it was great. They really entertained each other and have stayed very close."

How will another child change your lifestyle?

Are you settled into a nice routine with your other children? Do you have good childcare set up? Are your other children sleeping through the night? Perhaps you've reached the point where you and your partner have time for each other again. Maybe you've gone back to work and you love it. These are all important considerations when you're thinking of having another. Remember, a newborn will take over your life. Consider whether you have the time and energy an infant requires, and whether your children are ready to deal with the reality of a baby in the house.

What's your financial situation?

Money isn't everything, but you do need some financial stability when you're raising a family. Considering that each child costs thousands of pounds a year to care for, you'll need a little extra in your monthly budget before you conceive another child (or you'll need to pull your belt in another notch!). It's important to consider your work situation, too. Many women find it more difficult to keep up with full- or even part-time work once the second or third child comes along. Can you afford to stay at home or to pay for the new baby's childcare if you want to stay in your job?

"My daughter is almost four and we haven't had another yet because we're worried about affording everything," says Stephanie Newman, who works in a building society. "We didn't have much money when we had our first so we know what it's like not to be able to pay for things. We want to be better prepared for the next one."

How old are you?

Age is a factor for women who are planning to have more than one child. If you're 38 years old and you want two more children, for example, you don't have the luxury of spacing them three years apart. But if you're under 30 and you don't have any health problems that could make conception difficult, you can be a little more flexible with your timing. There are no hard and fast cut-offs in terms of age. Many women can still get pregnant in their early 40s but fertility rates do drop dramatically once you reach 35. (Learn more about your chances of getting pregnant at different ages).

Do you and your partner agree?

Sometimes one partner is ready and the other isn't. It's hard to be in sync all the time. This is a tough one to settle but the first step is to start talking about your differences. Sit down together and discuss your points of view. You may not solve anything at that moment but you'll have a better understanding of the issues. It might help to talk to others in this situation too.

What does your heart say?

You can mull over the pluses and minuses of having another child forever, without coming to a firm conclusion. This is one of those decisions that's best led by the heart, so go ahead and follow yours. If you want another baby, and your partner (if you have one) wants one too, there may be no time like the present.

Thinking about a second baby!!

2009-02-08T08:54:00.004+05:30

Making up your mind to have a second kid, is not a very easy task to most of the parents.You would be amazed at how much thinking goes into having a second one.When we decided to have our first kid, i never knew about the increased responsibility and demands that a baby would bring in.But, when i was thinking and discussing about the possibility of an addition to our family, am still in dilemma and the thinking has been going on ,at least for the past one year.
I have been indoors, ever since i conceived my girlie Paddu and could work full time only after 4.5 years...for want of good child care facilities,now that's a long long break...There have been many a times when i was depressed with my unemployed stage.Twas very easy for people from the outside to criticise about our life...even close relatives, whom i will forgive for want of experience and their ignorance.To cap it Sridhar(My beloved perfectionist hubby!!) has to travel, once in every 6 months, due to his official assignments which are unavoidable.You really know how it is to be in a good job and let go off such opportunities.What if i conceive again and he had to travel?
All these really make me think if we need to go for a second kid?But personally i would feel happy to complete our family by an addition.My hubby also wants to ,but looking at my inability to manage a single kid and after seeing all that we have been through for the past few years,is in dilemma.
But imagine Paddu!!!After us, who is there to be with her?Though, our family is a closely knit one,people are scattered over the globe.And its practically not possible for me to expect her cousins to be thro' her thick and thin!!So we obviously need to got for a second kid, by all means.Anyway its already time to decide as i will be completing 29 this June and my biological clock is ticking fast, coupled with Sridhar's age as well.He will be 32 in March and i don't want him to keep working thro' his old age like my Dad.I want him to retire at least by 50.So it is now or never!!!

Some home remedies!!

2008-04-30T08:34:00.000+05:30

For effective bio-friendly , non toxic pest control methods,here are some of the tried and tested rituals.I read this article on the web.Its very very useful!!

Mosquitoes: Take an aroma oil dispenser and put in 2-3 drops of neem oil in the water above the candle instead of your usual oils. The smell emitted is not unpleasant for people, but the mozzies do take off in a hurry. Two things you need to keep in mind. The dispenser can throw out fumes only to a certain distance, so for bigger halls you may need two or more. Also, keep a separate dispenser for the neem oil coz, later the aroma oils never smell the same.If available, you can also use Citronella oil drops in the water used for swabbing the floor. This is a proven method for keeping away flies and mozzies.

Flies: You can use Citronella oil drops in the water used for swabbing the floor. Or a better deal would be neem oil mixed with citronella. Gum Benzoin is the best to combat flies. Its great and the house smells nice too. The key here is to use the gum benzoin and not the ready made dhoop sticks or instant sambirani which somehow does not have the same effect.

Moths: Gum Benzoin works great with moths too in the cupboards, but unfortunately, your clothes smell of benzoin for months later! I guess you need to take the good with the bad

Lizards: Gran’ma always insisted that a peacock feather placed on the wall of every room was an effective lizzie repellant especially since lizzie’s were the birds’ fave appetizer. One thing that has changed with the current home bred robust breed of lizzies is that they no longer carry the fear of Peacocks in their ’Baygon-Mutated’ genes. Also, Personally I would discourage every household promoting the buying of peacock feathers, as that would push the bird to the Dodo’s fate. Alternately, post making your fave omelette, crush a bit o’ those shells and place a bit at some strategic lizzie area in every room. This does effectively scare the ugly guys away and they move away quite promptly. Neem oil (Available in any good nursery) can also be used as a thin coat on several window frames to keep away several pests incuding lizzies.

Roaches: Truthfully, I would be joking if I asked you to try citronella with these guys when they can survive a nuclear holocaust. I do believe a combination of neem/citronella/benzoin does make them prefer the neighbor to you, but it certainly doesnt hurt to put the roach filter on all your drainage pipes for protection, long term!!!

Nothing works more effectively than cleanliness. Filling used vessels with water if they have to be in the sink overnight, removing food items that are left outside, cleaning dog/baby pee as quickly as possible etc will ensure that these pests scoot from your place ASAP!!!

Health Facts!!

2008-03-23T22:48:00.000+05:30

this is an article from times.You might have heard elders saying "konjam paal kudi ,illati nenju karikum",after u have spicy food.look at this article which proves they r wrong!!

A MILKY AFFAIR
Milk has always been a hotly debated topic of discussion between consumers and detractors, despite definitive research that milk (other than mother’s milk) is totally unnecessary and even harmful for the human animal. The logical explanation behind this rather bold stand is simply that milk is specie-specific. “Humans are the only animals that consume milk after weaning. However, growth, like milk, is different in different species,” explains Dr Anju Venkat. “We are 8-10 pounds at birth, we double our weight in six months, and then our growth process slows down such that it takes us 18 years to reach a maximum of 150 pounds. On the other hand, a cow is 200 pounds at birth and it takes only two years to become 2000 pounds. Obviously, the amount of nutrients in cow’s milk is best suited to a calf, and not to a human baby,” she asserts.

Another factor to consider is digestive capability: Cows have four stomachs because of their quick growth and protein requirement, whereas humans have only one stomach. So not only does a glass of cow’s milk take eight hours to digest, it also creates a heaviness, which we add to by consuming more food before the milk has digested. “The result is that the food gets fermented, and eventually leads to mucus formation and people suffer from cold, coughs and sinus,” explains Dr Anju. “Why are you drinking milk?” questions Dr Vijaya Venkat, “because Krishna drank it? Because your grandmother makes the best rasmalai? Have it. But if you think milk is good for you, think again. Milk has no vitamin C, no fibre and no iron, rather it is high fat and high cholesterol.”

More over, milk leaves an acidic residue on digestion, whereas our bodies function in an alkaline medium. “When you consume a highly acidic food, you are withdrawing the calcium from your bones to neutralize that acid,” explains Dr Anju, adding, “So osteoporosis is not due to lack of calcium, but rather because of excessive protein. Nature has provided us with a structure for the rest of our lives. So all one needs is mother’s milk and nothing more. Natural foods such as fruits, vegetables, nuts and sprouts compensate for our slow growth, and give all the nutrition that we require.” Is it any wonder then that America, Great Britain, Finland and Sweden, which are the highest consumers of milk in the world, also have the maximum cases of osteoporosis and bone injury? On the other hand, China does not consume milk, and the word osteoporosis does not exist in their dictionary!

WATER, WATER EVERYWHERE
The human body is 70 per cent water. Just the way a cow eats grass (and does not drink milk) to produce milk, similarly, we cannot drink water to produce the essential mineral-filled water present in our bodies. “Humans have a food pipe and an air pipe, but no water pipe. The water required by your body comes only from the food that you eat,” informs Dr Vijaya. Consumption of water sufficient foods such as fruits and raw vegetables are thus far more important than the prescribed 8, 10, 12 glasses of water in a day. So why do we drink water? “We essentially drink water because we feel we are flushing out the toxins from our bodies.

But the water goes straight to the stomach, which is where all the nutrients lie, so every time you drink water you’re diluting nutrition in your body!” says Dr Anju. Just as a plant would rot when given excess water, our bodies too are degenerating because of water logging. “The other reason we drink ‘outside’ water is due to the temperature, but how much should you drink? Rather than following a prescribed glass count, listen to your body and drink only when you are thirsty,” asserts Dr Vijaya, further emphasizing, “We have not bought the ticket to the destination of optimum health, and the biggest reason for dehydration is the exhibition of foolishness.” Thus if a person’s intake of fruits and vegetables is high as compared to concentrated foods, (even a dry vegetable like potato contains 80 per cent water), their water intake will be minimal and healthy.

BREAKFAST LIKE A KING?
A heavy breakfast, moderate lunch and sparse dinner has become the mantra of a weight-obsessed generation. Unfortunately, there is little truth behind this maxim. Explains Dr Anju, “Scientifically, the natural body rhythm is such that between 4 am and 12 pm, the cleansing enzymes are at their peak, between 12 and 8 pm, the digestive enzymes are most effective, and between 8 pm and 4 am, the building enzymes perform their duties.” It thus follows that consuming pre-digested cleansers such as fruits in the morning, a combination of raw and cooked food in the afternoon, and building foods such as nuts, sprouts and green vegetables in the night is most beneficial and natural.
“Thus eating five badams first thing in the morning doesn’t make sense, because almonds are bodybuilding and should be eaten in the night otherwise they also get thrown out of the body,” elaborates Dr Anju. Adds Dr Vijaya, “Eating foods that are good for you at the wrong time is useless. Abide by natural laws by eating the right food at the right time and in the right combination.” As both nutritionists believe, if you sleep when you are sleepy, eat when you are hungry, eat till you’re full and drink when you’re thirsty, without interrupting your natural rhythm, there would be no myths around a necessity as basic as food

Men & Women!!

2008-03-06T09:28:00.000+05:30

This below article is from yahoo and it tells how men react to arguments and also the reasons why they react.After reading thro this article, am able to completely relate to it.But then , for some ppl it might, (especially men,) appear that mean are being stereotyped.Am sure this article will take u back to things that usually happen in many homes.Go On...

Typically, guys like fights when they're at a hockey game, or watching reality TV. But guys don't particularly like fights when they happen in relationships.
We shy away from confrontation for several reasons: first, men win arguments with women about as often as Dennis Kucinich wins presidential primaries.
Second, we don't have that much we want to argue about. When Rodney King asked, "Can't we all just get along?" there were millions of guys nodding their heads, asking the same thing. For the vast majority of guys, fighting is failure, and quite possibly a violation of local noise ordinances.
We may have a few little things to quibble about (Where in the world did you put my Strokes concert T-shirt?), but for the most part, we'll do anything to avoid conflict, especially these types of conflict: The "Blackberry" Fight You look at it too much. Does that thing always have to be on? You work way too much! You're right, you're right, and you're right. When a man's work is pitted against his relationship for time and attention, he can feel utterly conflicted.
Many men feel an intense pressure to succeed, to be the one who's counted on, to be hardwired into whatever's happening, even if it's not much. And when you tell him that he should feel that way about you rather than the job, he retreats.
That's because he'd rather make a choice between right and wrong than the choice you're asking him to make: The choice between two things that are both important, but vastly different. The "Ex" Fight You want to know what she's like, what she does, why your man was into her, and why they broke up. Him? He wants to stay as tight-lipped as the CIA's man in Moscow.
Which only fuels the speculation - she must've been great, she must've broken up with him, she must've been the love of his life. The truth may be none of those things, but he wants to reveal as little as possible because there's no upside.
If he recalls any positives about her, he's afraid you'll compare, and think poorly of yourself. If he says nasty things about his ex, he loses two ways: you'll think badly of him for unchivalrous behavior, and wonder why he was with such a no-good girlfriend in the first place.The "Finale" Fight When a break-up is inevitable, a guy doesn't want to go out with shouts, insults, crying, and random appliance tossing. Even though this relationship may have not worked out entirely the way either of you had pictured, he doesn't want it to end badly.
Why? Because there's a big part of him that cares very much about his rep; he doesn't want to be perceived as a bad guy, or a mean one, or some jerk who deserves to be hit by the cross-town bus next time he crosses the street.
Even if he wants an ending, he doesn't want it to be a bad one - which is why many breakup-minded men try to make a soft landing back in the singles world: Slowly, gently, and perhaps unfairly as well. The "Wedding" Fights Not the wedding fight, as in whether or not to have one. But fights, as in plural, the kind that happen between the first ring he puts on your finger, and the second. He knows you want him involved in all the decisions big (who to invite) and small (what style napkins). He knows that "It's up to you" is usually one of the "Five Things You Should Never Say to a Woman," as this article artfully instructs (hint: make sure he reads and heeds it!).
But in this case, his acquiescence isn't because he's uninterested; it's because he respects that this is your (and possibly your mother's) big day, so enjoy it, do what you want, and don't get mad because he won't tell you if he prefers the butter cream icing or the marzipan.As for other kinds of fights, here's a great list of common face-offs and how men will try to defuse them. See if you recognize any of his tactics.