So who do YOU think changes most?

Another interesting post from Yahoo!!A must read for men and women.....

I LOVE you just the way you are.’ Yawn! Haven’t we had an overdose of this particular line? No matter how many times your partner coos this into your ear, there would be something that he/she would want you to change about yourself desperately. Not just that — post-marriage, you might undergo certain involuntary changes which could be shocking for your partner.
A marriage certainly triggers some changes in both men and women. “We give up our independence and our decisions are made in collaboration with our partner (and inlaws in some cases),” says Dr Kamal Khurana, relationship expert at Purple Alley.
“Ideally we should not expect a person to change. But when we start cohabiting, our expectations from our partner increase. And when he/she is unable to fulfil them, we feel our partner has changed. We then want him to change back to what he was before marriage... or for that matter, what she was,” he says.
Changes can be both positive and negative. While a Michigan State University study says marriage makes rowdy men better-behaved, counsellors have dealt with cases where men have become more violent towards their partner.
As far as women are concerned they undergo a lot of hormonal and emotional changes that ultimately shape their personality. “Women expect men to fulfil their emotional needs, but men are not wired to understand it,” says Dr Gitanjali Sharma, marriage counsellor. But psychologist Anu Goel has come across cases where men have completely mended their ways for their ladylove. “It is all about striking the right balance and I have seen quite a few cases where men have made the ‘adjustments’ that women were expected to make about 10 years ago,” says Goel.
Times are changing; people are changing – after all change is the only constant. We tried to find out about these changes men and women undergo after marriage.
Expert blogger speaks: How open are our marriages?

EATING HABITS
What’s your favourite dish? We asked 36-year-old Archana Gupta, a housewife and pat came the reply: “I don’t remember. I remember we used to have simple vegetarian food, but here they eat everything,” says the strict vegetarian.
Yes, her husband and she have had arguments about why she doesn’t try non-vegetarian food. “I did not want to compromise on this front even though, I think, I have transformed myself completely after my marriage,” she says. Most men agree that with regard to food, it’s the women who change their ways quite a bit. “And if she doesn’t cook that kind of food, she generally learns how to make it and compromises on her own taste,” says Pradeep Sarkar, 29, an insights director at a multinational company.
EXPERT SPEAK: “In India, when a woman comes into a new family after her marriage, she is expected to satisfy her husband and in-laws. And food is the best way to do so, even if it means compromising on her own taste,” says Gitanjali Sharma.

CAREER
As far as career is concerned, it is still the woman who has to compromise. When Gupta got married, she wasn’t told that her inlaws didn’t want a working girl as their bahu. “I used to run a coaching institute before marriage and was earning quite well. But mine was an arranged marriage and I was banned from working anywhere after marriage,” she says. “I was one of the most outgoing girls in my college and my friends would look up to me, but all that has changed now,” she says.
Sarkar agrees with Gupta. “How many men do we know who have got themselves transferred to a different city because the wife is transferred? I do not know any. In most cases the man is independent of the woman and can take a career decision without even consulting his wife,” he says.
EXPERT SPEAK: “Career-wise a woman is expected to compromise, because she is the one who bears the child. The traditional gender roles come into play here. But with crèche facilities and flexi-hours in most organisations, things are getting better,” says Khurana. And yes, now men are consulting their wives on their career moves too.
LOOKING GOOD
It is said when a woman finds her soul-mate, she just gives up on her efforts to look good.
There are quite a few adjustments that women have to make voluntarily because of the family she is moving into. No figure-hugging clothes perhaps, no short skirts or noodle straps. Even if the husband does not mind it, your inlaws might, so you gradually give up buying clothes you once loved.
EXPERT SPEAK: Anjanie Ramnarayan, a gender-studies scholar at the University of Toronto says: “Women tend to ‘let go’ after marriage.
They start eating more, stop wearing make-up, and don’t dress up because they do not have the pressure to look good or attract a male anymore.” However you would expect women to use more make-up during the first year of the marriage. “After the first year, things get mundane and that’s when the woman lets go.
Making efforts to look good completely goes off a woman’s ‘thingsto- do list’, especially after she has a baby,” says Sharma and adds there are no visible differences, however, in the physical traits of a man.
Expert blogger speaks: Let's talk about sex, baby!

EQ
A woman who has let go of her dreams becomes emotionally stronger, says Gupta. “I can say this from my own experience.
I was brought up in a liberal atmosphere, but my husband’s family was a complete opposite. Dealing with my inlaws and the politics in a joint family hardened me,” says Gupta.
However, it seems, men do start behaving themselves after marriage and Varun Dixit, 27, an IT professional, swears by it. The three notorious brothers in his neighbourhood were tamed soon after they entered wedlock. “They were pretty aggressive and would get into fights and arguments. Now that they are married, they have taken a complete U-turn,” he says.
EXPERT SPEAK: “When a man becomes sexually monogamous and is truly in love with a woman, he becomes more logical and rational,” says gender studies scholar Ramnarayan. However, Khurana presents a different perspective: “Men are not programmed to be emotionally expressive. A man may seem to be very considerate from outside, but in reality he may have just given up on arguing with his wife,” he says.
BUDDY TIME
The interaction level with annoying relatives – which was at sub-zero levels before marriage – suddenly shoots up after people tie the knot and your beloved friends often take a backseat. Devlina Dutta could not meet her gang of girls for 17 years after her marriage and when she met them, she realised they were the next best thing after her husband. “We could still talk about everything under the sun, without any inhibitions,” says Dutta.
If women talk, men bond over booze and sports. But they too have to keep a check on their unrestrained freedom with the new restrictions stemming from the intertwining of two lives.
“They have to limit their buddy time and answer certain questions that were considered pretty irksome before marriage,” says Kshitij Chawla, a biotech researcher.
EXPERT SPEAK: They are not wrong when they say marriage is all about two families and not just two people. “Priorities change and suddenly families and relatives become more important. You have to inform your partner if you want to meet your old pals. Your decisions become dependent on your partner. And this holds true for both men and women.
BED BUGS
Snoring and weird sleeping postures are a major turn-off for most women. But they have adapted to them over the years. Anshu Khurana, 35, a teacher, who comes from a family of silent-sleepers, got the shock of her life when she entered the Khurana household.
Now after being married for 15 years, it is hard for Khurana to imagine a soundless sleep. If women hate snores, men love their space in bed. Remember the Friends episode in which Ross gives tips to Chandler on how to stop his girlfriend from cuddling? “Cuddling seems to be a romantic idea, but I need my own space,” says IT professional Sandeep Kumar, 28.
EXPERT SPEAK: “Snoring and sleeping habits have always been a bone of contention, but people do get over it within a year of the marriage. However, people who are in the habit of nitpicking always complain about these little annoying things,” says Goel.

Married or not, a woman must be herself!!

Article on Times of India..every woman should read this and hopefully men can appreciate us better..

"Cause we are living in a material world and I am a material girl" crooned Madonna in the Eighties. Fast forward to the 21st century, and we all know there is more to a marriage than love. Today's woman has become assertive about more than her rights. She also makes known her likes and dislikes with the result that society labels her as materialistic.

Rewind just a bit: the Indian mother traditionally saved the best food for her husband and children. She might have eaten cold food, sometimes the leftovers. By the time her children grew up and were able to understand their mother's likes and dislikes, she might have lost any sense of entitlement to her choices. She becomes less of an individual every time she proclaims "I live for my family". It is the same family that does not bother about what mother is eating. Is any of this necessary? Why should a woman give up her favourite things when she marries?

Even in this day and age, Indian women are expected to change their views and habits to suit the wishes of husband and in-laws. A woman who demands something or expresses a preference is considered difficult, perhaps even a 'family-breaker'.

Mridul Chatterjee, a literature teacher in Pune puts it very simply: "Marriage is like a lifetime thrown into the fire with few mantras and a boxful of dreams, career, friends, family, lifestyle all neatly packed and pushed under the bed. After she gets married, it is generally expected that a woman will never again have an opinion. I agreed to a marriage because I think it's a union of two people, not a deletion of my being."

It is ironic that women are frontrunners in almost every sphere now, but in their own homes, many are treated like second-class individuals. But the world is changing. Lawyer Sangita Pal, who will tie the knot this year, says, "A changed society needs strong women who can steadily hold the family and her profession, but in the process, doesn't lose her own identity."

Can ur ex be ur best friend!!

I happened to come across this article when i was browsing thro' yahoo news.Interesting one!!

It's not complicated. With many couples, divorce means reviving the kind of friendship they shared before marriage

Marriages may still be made in heaven but divorces are no longer the Devil's handiwork. Amid worrying statistics of rising divorce rates, there is something to be cheerful about. Experts say divorced couples are making an effort to leave the baggage behind and remain best buddies.

Writer A. Srinivas's ex - wife is his best friend. They may not be living under the same roof, but he never misses the customary phone call to update her of the day's events. She knows about his girlfriends and he is aware of what's happening in her life. They meet for parties, dinners and social dos. Srinivas' family also shares a good rapport with her though they parted ways six years back.

Our decision to part ways in 2004 was mutual. There was silence between us for nearly three years after that but she was in touch with my family. And when my father was unwell, she called me and our friendship revived. There was no external pressure to remain friends. It was a choice we made, says Srinivas.

Sceptics may dismiss Srinivas's as a one - off case and insist that it's impossible to make peace with a divorced partner. But psychologists and marriage counsellors say that for many these days, divorce isn't the end of the road in a relationship.

The scenario is changing. We see many couples making an effort to remain friends after splitting. It takes a lot of maturity to make peace with your ex- spouse. Often it is because they were good friends before marriage.

Once the burden of being husband and wife is gone, some rediscover why they liked each other in the first place, says relationship counsellor and psychologist Dr Anjali Chhabria.

WHY THEY ARE STILL FRIENDS

If every divorce were a War of the Roseses, there would be blood on the streets! says author Barbara Quick, in her book Still Friends: Living Happily Ever After...Even If Your Marriage Falls Apart. In the case of Sadhna Grover and Sanjit Grover, they won't let any blood spill on the streets. Their schedule with their 13-year-old daughter goes somewhat like this: Family dinners with inlaws every Sunday, a movie once a month and an annual holiday trip to an exotic locale.

If you think they make a perfect family picture, hang on. It's been 10 years since the Grovers divorced, the decision was mutual as both felt suffocated in their marriage. Dealing with his follies in day-to-day life was tough. Differences only grew as years passed by and divorce was inevitable. It took me some years to be friends with him, but it was possible since we share similar interests and tastes. He wasn't good marriage material but our friendship remains the same. I would be by his side when he is in trouble and viceversa. The irritating things about him don't bother me now, says Sadhna.

While the Grovers took years to put behind the bitterness in their relationship, Chhabria says some couples bury the past in no time. Her clients Sameer and Sunita Mahajan (name changed) took off on a holiday together soon after their divorce. Not only did they continue to be friends, Sameer even got work for Sunita, a freelance writer. I was counselling the couple during their divorce. They had major differences of opinion which couldn't be resolved, but they were good friends before marriage and decided to remain so, says Chhabria.

But why do couples who are great friends, divorce at all? There are many things I still like about him. He is kind and intelligent. And when we go to a party or a film, for instance, we know when the other is bored and want to leave almost at the same time! But it's tough to turn your back on the past and pretend it never existed, so we had to split. As soon as I stopped being his wife, he started behaving better with me, says Sadhna.

Srinivas has a different take on why good friends split: You become friends and get married. You continue to grow within marriage. If both grow in different directions, it becomes difficult to continue in the relationship but the friendship remains, says Srinivas.

However, Chhabria thinks it is the daily grind that finishes off a marriage once that is out of the way, they are once again civil to one another. In a marriage, partners expect a lot from each other. With friends, expectations are lower, adds Grover.

NEW LOVE

Do things get complicated when your ex gets a boyfriend/ girlfriend? Sadhna believes they could maintain a healthy relationship only when there were no partners involved. Whenever I was in a relationship, I hardly met my exhusband or talked to him. It's difficult to manage the ex and your current boyfriend. Moreover, I never discuss my boyfriends with him. Though we are good dinner companions, there is no emotional connect between us, says Sanjit.

But Srinivas disagrees. My exwife knows about all the girls in my life and vice - versa. In our case, there is no jealousy or ill - feelings.

Jealousy arises when it's an immature decision to part. Both of us were clear that it was over. It also depends on the emotional quotient involved. The emotional connect is very much there though there is no physical intimacy, says Srinivas.

Marriage counsellor Anu Goel adds she has seen many couples sharing good vibes with their ex's partners. Shashank Bhushan and Nivedita's ( name changed) threeyear marriage was dotted with arguments, fights and stand - offs.

But with divorce, their relationship changed for the better. I used to counsel them. Ever since they got divorced, they have remained good friends. Nivedita calls him whenever she is in trouble, say if her car breaks down. Their friendship is still strong though Shashank has remarried.

Nivedita gets along well with her ex's current wife too. There are no bitter feelings and they often meet at dinners and parties, says Goel.

REEL LIFE

Both Bollywood and Hollywood have examples to draw from. It's no secret that Demi Moore and Bruce Willis, Liz Hurley and Hugh Grant, Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe have a big ex- factor presence in their lives.

In Bollywood, actor Aamir Khan, who is currently holidaying in Europe with his wife Kiran Rao and children from his first marriage, still shares a bond with his first wife Reena Dutta. Reena keeps a friendly relationship with Rao too and is spotted at his film premieres.

Actor Pooja Bedi raised few eyebrows when she attended her exhusband Farhan Furniturewalah's marriage last week with her kids in tow. Bedi says she is very happy for her ex. I was the first person who knew about the wedding.

Farhan is the father of my children and has been my best friend for years. If I am in a relationship, he would be the first person to know, says Bedi.

She admits burying the hatchet wasn't easy. Divorce is awful, painful, full of recrimination, it's vengeful. No one gets married to get a divorce. I am a highly romantic person and I always dreamt of a happy married life. Since it didn't turn out well, we made a dignified, graceful effort to exit, says Bedi.

THE CHILD FACTOR

Children are a major reason why couples decide to maintain a healthy relationship. Couples try to develop a healthy bonding if children are involved. They don't want the kids to suffer, says Goel.

Sadhana agrees: My daughter was the main reason why I am friendly with my ex. She never had to witness any ugly fights. I didn't want to turn my child into the mediator between us. Now she gets an equal share of both of us. Bedi also agrees that reinventing friendship after divorce is important for the children's sake. I had a sound upbringing though my parents were divorced. We grew up unscarred. My children are also growing up the same way. There is no bitterness and it's a win- win situation for both of us. My children spend quality time with both of us, says Bedi.

Bedi also warns that couples should never use children as a weapon to hurt their spouse. Goel says the golden rule is that never express negative sentiments about your ex in front of children.

Speak positively and give up the blame game, says Goel. If a marriage is based on strong friendship, it's natural for couples to seek each other's hand in testing times. So what's stopping you from taking that small step to make things better between you and your ex?

Husband disowns wife for travelling with male officials

We are debating about the Womens Reservation bill and here is a typical situation in a typical Indian house hold,courtesy Yahoo News!!!

Bhubaneswar, March 13 (IANS) At a time the country is set to empower its women by giving them 33 percent reservation in legislatures, a woman farmer in Orissa has been dumped by her husband for going to New Delhi with male officials to receive a national award.

Mathura Sabar, 40, a tribal woman from Kusumjor village in Kalahandi district, was refused entry into her house by her husband for accompanying state officials to New Delhi to receive an award for successful mushroom farming from union Agriculture Minister Sharad Pawar on Feb 26.

The mother of five was among 101 farmers selected from across the country to receive this award. She was accompanied by the joint director of state government and four other officials.

However, the joy of receiving an award was short-lived as her husband Ratan did not let her enter the house when she returned.

'When I came back from Delhi my husband refused to allow me inside the house. I am clueless as to where I should go,' Mathura, sarpanch of Rishagaon panchayat from 1997-2002, who currently runs a women's self help group in the area, told IANS.

'My husband is questioning my character. But I had taken his permission before I went to Delhi,' she said.

The district agriculture officials, who had recommended her name to the agriculture ministry for the award, are unable to help her.

'We had recommended her name to the agriculture ministry as a successful mushroom farmer. We made every effort so that she can go to New Delhi and receive that award. I got to know that her husband is not allowing her inside the house. What can we do if her husband does not accept her? Our job ended after she returned home without any trouble,' P. Sethi, assistant director of agriculture, told IANS.

Even repeated requests failed to convince Mathura's husband, who works as a labourer.

'I pleaded with him. Villagers also tried to convince him. But he has refused to listen,' Mathura, who now lives with her parents, said.

She does not feel helpless but is shocked at her husband's irrational allegations.

'I don't need my husband's money as I am independent. But I don't understand the reason why he disowned me. It's so silly,' she said.

Solar Eclipse!!

It's always fascinating to know and learn about the SPACE!!Today was the annular Solar Eclipse.There are several links , which deals with this topic and so do not want to reiterate, what's been published already about the topic.Today, i got an opportunity to see the Solar Eclipse, not with the Naked Eye, though.One of our colleague, got a Welders shield and we watched the eclipse, and boy, it was lovely to see it.We got to see it at the beginning-when the sun was slightly hidden, once mid way when it was passing through and other when it was just about to get over, to leave the sun fully visible.See the picture to have a glimpse of it, as seen through the welders' shield!!